Sweet Madness: A Veiled Seduction Novel Page 15

  But unlike him, she seemed determined to forget it. Pen straightened her spine and pursed her lips into a firm line. “A simple case of animal spirits, if you insist upon putting a name on it.”

  He narrowed his eyes upon her.

  “Not that we have anything to feel guilt for,” she rushed to assure him, misinterpreting his irritation. “We are both young and unattached, and—and we were in the midst of an intense moment. ’Twas only natural.”

  “Natural,” he drawled. It certainly felt natural now. They sat so near each other in the tiny carriage that he could smell her arousal, an undercurrent wrapped in mandarin and vanilla. Sweet yet heady, like the woman herself. It made him want to—

  “But it was also a mistake,” she insisted. “One that cannot happen again.”

  Gabriel crossed his arms, leaning back into the squabs as he studied her. Her coloring was high enough that he noticed it even in the dim lamplight. He also found her word choice interesting . . . Was she trying to convince him? Or herself? “Cannot?” he asked silkily. “Or will not?”

  Pen inhaled sharply through her nose, taking his meaning. “Either,” she insisted. “B-both.”

  But a slow smile overtook him. He couldn’t help it. As much as Pen pretended otherwise, she wanted him. Him. He didn’t believe that rot about animal spirits, though she probably did. Her way of justifying, he’d guess, but to him it reeked of “the lady doth protest too much.”

  Gabriel had to stop himself from crowing with satisfaction. For the first time in months, he felt . . . powerful. As he used to. Like a man in his prime ought to.

  More important, though, was what he didn’t feel: Hopeless. Sorry for himself. Or at a disadvantage.

  In this, at least, Penelope was vulnerable to him rather than the other way around. Or at least equally vulnerable.

  And he quite liked that idea.

  “What happened was a onetime occurrence. There is no place for . . .” She trailed off, visibly struggling for words. “Intimacy between us. It won’t help at all in your recovery.”

  “Ah,” he murmured, enjoying this. “But I thought your particular method of treatment was all about intimacy. Baring my soul to you and all that.”

  “Your soul, yes. Other parts, no,” she said primly, and he couldn’t help but laugh, a booming sound that startled them both as it ricocheted back to them off the carriage walls. Then they both shared a smile.

  “I am serious, Gabriel,” she said, but her words lacked bite in the face of their mutual amusement.

  “I know you are, Pen,” he acknowledged. But he made her no promises. He hadn’t felt this optimistic or alive in an age. It seemed as if he’d left his old life behind him at Vickering Place, and what waited ahead was unknown but filled with both fears and possibilities. He wasn’t about to close off any avenues that might lead to this sort of happiness becoming his everyday reality, no matter what Pen said.

  But even his small acquiescence seemed to make her feel better. She visibly relaxed, and spent the rest of the trip to Somerton Park in a constant stream of chatter. It wasn’t like Pen to talk so much, but he knew she did it to avoid any more conversation about that kiss or their feelings about it.

  He didn’t mind. He’d always loved her voice. He could listen to her for hours. He enjoyed her easy smile as she spoke of her family and envied the obvious fondness she had for them.

  He did think it odd that she mentioned more than once how brilliant Lady Stratford was. Pen seemed to think that her cousin would be an incredible boon in their cause, even more so than Pen herself. Silly woman. Not to take anything from Lady Stratford, but didn’t Penelope realize that the only reason he had any hope at all was because of her?

  It wasn’t long before the carriage rolled through the manor’s gates. In truth, it had to have been more than three hours, as dusk now threatened on the horizon. But to Gabriel, it had seemed only moments.

  As he stepped from the musty carriage into the crisp evening air, he marveled that the earlier pressing dread had not haunted him once after that kiss. No, after he’d had Penelope in his arms, it was as if his body had shifted all of his awareness to her, leaving no room for the fear.

  As he watched her now, greeting her cousin with an enthusiastic hug, one thought reverberated through his mind, despite all that he’d vowed to protect Penelope from his madness.

  If only I could keep her with me always.

  Chapter Eleven

  The cold marble railing of the central balustrade slid smoothly beneath her palm as Penelope rushed down the steps of the grand staircase the following morning. Her slippers swished in her haste, echoing and reechoing off of the stone walls and floor.

  She’d overslept—or rather, underslept, if one were to put a fine point on it. But it hadn’t been nightmares that had kept her awake. No, her fitful dreams had been of another sort entirely.

  She never should have kissed Gabriel. And not just for the reasons she’d given him last night. No, it was because now that she’d opened that door, the flickering of desire she’d felt for him had swept through and kindled into an inferno. She might not call it raging at this point, but she’d never felt this intensity of longing in her life, not even with Michael. And that terrified her.

  That’s what she got for following her instincts. Why hadn’t she just slapped Gabriel instead?

  She checked the breakfast room, but wasn’t surprised to find it empty, given how high the sun had already been in the sky when she’d glanced out of her window this morning. Liliana and her husband, Geoffrey, were early risers.

  Penelope wanted to be an early riser, but too many years as a society darling had trained her body to city hours. Even if she hadn’t been tossing and turning with frustrated desire last night, she’d have had a difficult time rising with the sun.

  Gabriel, however, had not. The maid who was tidying his room had said he’d gone below shortly after dawn. She chewed at her lower lip as she made for the library. What an awful person she was, leaving Gabriel to his own devices in a strange place. She only hoped he was getting on well with her cousins.

  A quick search of the library, drawing room and even the music room turned up nothing. Where was Gabriel? And everyone else, for that matter?

  She was searching for a servant to ask when she heard her cousin’s muffled voice floating down the hallway. She followed the sound.

  Penelope turned the corner to find Liliana and another woman exiting the back staircase that led to the nursery. Liliana was gesturing with her hands while she spoke, and the other woman nodded politely every so often as they came her way.

  Penelope stopped and waited.

  When Liliana noticed her, she broke into a smile and waved her over. “Pen,” she said warmly. “Meet Miss Eden. Miss Eden, my cousin, Lady Manton.”

  The young woman bobbed a curtsy.

  “Miss Eden is interviewing to be our new nurse once the babe arrives,” Liliana explained.

  “Ah,” Penelope said with a smile. “Well, Miss Eden, I do hope you are the energetic sort. My niece can be quite a handful, and I imagine any sibling of hers will be nothing less.”

  “Yes, m’lady. Shouldn’t be a problem,” the young woman said.

  “Well, don’t let me interrupt,” Penelope said to Liliana. “If you could just tell me where to find—”

  “We’re actually almost finished. Give me one moment?”

  Penelope nodded and followed the two women toward the exit. As they walked, she couldn’t help listening in on the conversation. Liliana was talking over her daughter’s routines, and the nurse was giving suggestions. But the more Penelope listened, she realized that for some reason she did not like Miss Eden.

  She couldn’t explain it. The nurse was well dressed, clean and polite. She answered Liliana’s questions with a quiet confidence. Indeed, she’d not said or done anything to give Penelope such a queer feeling. And yet there it was.

  “Thank you for coming, Miss Eden,” Liliana was saying as s
he left the woman with the housekeeper, who would presumably show her out. “I shall be in touch.”

  Liliana turned to Penelope. “Let us go to the parlor and sit for a moment. I cannot be on my feet these days as much as I am accustomed to,” she said with a wry smile, curving her hands beneath her very rounded belly.

  “Actually, I’m looking for Gabriel. Do you know where he’s gone?” Penelope asked they turned back down the hallway toward the parlor.

  “He rode out with Geoffrey this morning, to inspect the property.”

  “Ah.” She allowed herself to relax for the first time since she’d awoken to find Gabriel gone. “I am glad. I was hoping the two of them might get on well, what with them both being old cavalrymen.”

  “Yes, I assumed that was part of the reason you brought him here,” Liliana returned as they entered the Red Parlor, so named for the bright red damask-covered walls, broken only by white columns and trim that was heavily picked with gilt.

  “I’ve watched you treat enough men to have gleaned some of your tactics,” she went on as she lowered herself onto the settee. “I know you try to help them reconnect with others within their sphere, be it friends, family or other soldiers. I have also noticed you prescribe an exercise regimen first off. When I shared that information with Geoffrey, he was only too happy to help on both fronts. Since I am unable to accompany him on our morning rides these days”—she rubbed her palm in circles atop her burgeoning stomach—“I believe he’s looking forward to the company.”

  Penelope, who’d taken a seat in the armchair angled catty-corner, reached over and squeezed her cousin’s hand with gratitude. How fortunate she was to have Liliana and Geoffrey in her life. Who else’s doorstep could she have shown up on—with a man she’d kidnapped from a lunatic sanatorium, no less—and know they would both be welcomed?

  “Tactics?” Penelope said teasingly. “Fronts? You are beginning to sound like your husband, you know.” Before inheriting the earldom, Geoffrey had been a decorated officer and had come home from the wars a hero. It was also whispered about town that he planned political skirmishes as carefully as he’d once planned battles.

  Liliana’s face lit with a soft smile. “I suppose I am. It must come from being in each other’s company so often.”

  Penelope smiled as well, but her heart knew a moment of envy. Liliana had married a scant month before Penelope had wed herself. And yet nearly three years later, her cousin was so very obviously happy in love, whereas she was a widow and so desperately alone.

  It was more than just that Liliana’s husband was alive and hers was not, however. Penelope understood that all too well. Liliana had chosen a man who completed her—who needed what she had to give and was capable of giving what she needed in return. Whereas she had unknowingly bound herself to a man who needed much more than she could ever have given him. She and Michael had been doomed to fail from the start. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so foolish, focused only on marrying well and living the life of a society wife, she’d have seen the signs before it was too late.

  Penelope blinked away a sudden stinging in her eyes. There was nothing to be had from dwelling on what she could not change. The only thing she could promise herself was that she was not that foolish girl any longer. She would choose better next time.

  And there would be a next time. As inconvenient and ill timed as this attraction to Gabriel was, it showed her one thing: The part of her that longed for male companionship no longer lay dormant. Perhaps it was time to reenter society, to put her slippered toe back in the water. Perhaps find another husband.

  She watched her cousin, who was busy tucking a pillow behind her to make herself more comfortable in the late months of her confinement, and another long-buried desire came back to her with a fierceness. She wanted children of her own.

  Which reminded her of Miss Eden.

  “Were you simply interviewing Miss Eden, or have you already offered her employment?”

  Liliana gave her an odd look but said, “I’ve as much as offered. It’s been a bit difficult to fill the position. Charlotte is not old enough for a proper governess, and yet she is entirely too precocious for our current nursemaid to handle. I need someone who can manage both the new baby and an uncommonly curious two-year-old, and Miss Eden seems up to the task. Why?”

  Penelope hesitated. She didn’t wish to cost a person their post, and yet something just didn’t sit well with her regarding the nurse. “I don’t have a good feeling about her. It’s nothing I can explain. She just made me uncomfortable.”

  Liliana frowned. “She comes with excellent letters of reference.”

  “It’s probably nothing,” Penelope demurred. She used to live by her instincts, but since she’d made so many mistakes with Michael, she questioned her feelings as much or more than she listened to them.

  But Liliana looked very thoughtful. “No, you’ve always had good instincts, Pen. You see things in people that I never could. You read them well. It’s a gift I’ve long envied you. If you’re worried, then I am. I will have Geoffrey dig deeper into Miss Eden’s references before I make a final decision.”

  Penelope was torn between several thoughts at once. First, she was humbled that her cousin had unwavering faith in her. Second, she was astounded that Liliana had ever envied her anything. Penelope’s uncle Charles had been a chemist, and Liliana had always been her father’s daughter, eschewing the frivolous life Penelope had embraced. If anything, Penelope always envied Liliana her unique intelligence and steady character.

  And third, “How can you think I have such great instincts when I married a maniac?”

  Liliana tilted her head and eyed Penelope much as she likely did one of the specimens in her laboratory. “I know you think you should have seen signs of Michael’s illness, but I disagree.”

  Penelope shook her head. “If I hadn’t been so impulsive, if I’d have approached life more staidly, more logically, like you do, maybe—”

  Liliana actually laughed. “Don’t say that. You are perfect just the way you are. Do you think I would be who I am if you hadn’t been in my life? When your mother tried so very hard to change me after my father died, you always accepted me for who I was and what I wanted for my life. You encouraged and loved me when I thought no one else did, seeing only the person I was inside.

  “And look at all of the good you’ve done at the hospital. I’ve spent the past two years treating people’s bodies. You’ve spent them treating people’s souls. You take knowledge and apply it organically, changing and molding different theories into what a person needs most. I could never do what you’ve done. You’ve made a difference in those men’s lives and the lives of the people who love them. That’s worth more to the world than logic.”

  Penelope stared at Liliana, unable to breathe. Did her cousin really see her that way?

  “I must say, however, absconding from the sanatorium with Lord Bromwich was a rather extreme thing to do,” Liliana went on. “Were you acting on instinct when you decided on that course of action?”

  Penelope knew Liliana well enough to know there was no judgment in her questions, only curiosity. “Yes, because I know in my heart he wouldn’t recover there.”

  “Many people don’t recover, Pen. It’s a sad fact of life.”

  She frowned. “True, but I know Gabriel can.”

  “Hmmm,” Liliana murmured. “That doesn’t sound like a very logical reason for doing such a thing. Yet I can see you feel strongly that Lord Bromwich has a chance.”

  “I’ve never been so sure about something,” she admitted, “yet so afraid of being wrong.”

  Liliana reached across and took her hand. “And that’s what I meant before. A logical person like myself would never have done what you have. Lord Bromwich is getting this chance because you are who you are. You follow your instincts, even when you are afraid.”

  Penelope had to blink back tears.

  “Now,” Liliana said, blinking suspiciously herself, “tell me why yo
u are so certain.”

  She took in a deep breath. “Well, aside from his episodes, every other difficulty I have observed or that Gabriel and I have discussed fits easily within the diagnosis of battle fatigue.”

  Even his panic in the carriage yesterday, which she was attributing to an abnormal fear of enclosed spaces rather than madness, was typical.

  Just thinking of that reminded her of how she’d arrested that panic—and every second of the toe-curling kisses that had followed. Penelope flushed warm and hoped Liliana didn’t notice how pink her cheeks must have turned.

  “Can severe battle fatigue bring out mania?” Liliana asked.

  Penelope nodded. “Yes, and of course I’m considering that. But I’d expect to see signs of instability outside of his episodes, which I’m not. I also can’t ignore his blood connection to Michael, but again, there were warnings before Michael would go into one of his fits.” She sighed, frustrated. “Gabriel’s episodes are nothing like that. It’s the strangest thing, Lily. It’s almost as if I’m dealing with two different illnesses altogether.”

  But that couldn’t be right, could it? If anyone would know, it would be Liliana, which was one of the reasons she had been so anxious to bring Gabriel here.

  She leaned toward her cousin. “Is there anything you can think of that might explain the incongruities?”

  “You are the expert in cases of madness. I’m afraid I can speak only to the physiological, but I’ll be happy to try. Could you describe all you witnessed?”

  She told Liliana how she’d first encountered Gabriel at Vickering Place, detailing all that she’d observed of his behavior while caught up in his episode. She left out the part about him landing atop her and how he’d recognized her and begged for her help. That seemed too personal to share, even with Liliana. She told herself Gabriel would be mortified if she spoke of it, but she suspected she simply wanted to keep that moment for herself.

  Liliana listened intently, but now a frown tangled her brow. “Could you go back to the episode now and repeat just the physical symptoms?”